How To Drink From A Water Dish Training Class

Dearest Buddy Holly,
I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to address an issue that has come to my attention.

Buddy, as you are aware, earlier today the woman was fussing because every day for the past week there have been puddles of spilled water in the kitchen floor. I decided to do some reconnaissance work to see what was really going on. I strategically stationed myself inside the pantry so I could observe all activities. At approximately 4:00 this afternoon you walked into the kitchen and went straight to the water dish. I almost could not believe my eyes with what happened next...instead of simply lapping up the water you displayed some extremely vile behavior. First, you tipped the water dish over just enough to spill some of the water onto the floor. Then you placed your paw into the spilled water to get it wet. You then raised your paw to your mouth and licked the water off. You proceeded to do this over and over and over. Buddy, what in the world is wrong with you??? Stop doing this! It is not the proper way to drink water! Plus, the woman nearly fell and busted her behind. The last thing we need is for her to break something and not be able to get around! She’s the only person in the house with thumbs, for Pete’s sake!

In order to get you back on track, I have scheduled “Learn how to drink properly from the water dish” training sessions for you starting tomorrow. I would ask that you be prompt as I am a very busy person. Between now and our training, if you need to drink water please let me know so that I can supervise you.

I appreciate your cooperation and swift attention to this matter.

Very truly yours,
Bob